“For us, ‘after the victory’ has not come.” The story of a woman who lost her husband in the war and went to the front

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Avdiyivka is a city-wound on the body of Ukraine. The enemy inflicted it on us back in 2014, and since then he has been constantly poking, pressing on us, trying to cause even more pain. Today, the city actually does not exist. There are no more civilians here. Only the military holding what’s left. Avdiivka is located 13 kilometers north of Donetsk. Locals say that Donetsk and Avdiivka are like Irpin and Kyiv. Before the invasion of Russia, more than 30 thousand inhabitants lived here. The war deprived them all of their homes, scattering them all over Ukraine and the world. One of those who lost her home here is Yevgenia Kolesnichenko: twice displaced, mother of three children, widow of a fallen soldier, paramedic-hospitalist. She told her story specially for “Ukrainian Pravda. Life”. In memory of the beautiful city, “Before the war, Avdiivka was very beautiful, very green – a park, Shevchenko Boulevard, children’s playgrounds,” Yevgenia recalls life in the city, which no longer exists. There were always some spectacles and events on the square. It was all arranged by the coke-chemical plant, which had a large palace of culture.” The life of the small town revolved entirely around this plant. Most of the people either worked on it or served the workers. As in many Donbas towns that grew up around enterprises, the whole rhythm of life in Avdiyivka depended on how the factory shifts worked – starting with the schedule of public transport. In 2014, after Russia’s invasion of Donbas, Evgenia became a displaced person – together with her lover and three small children, they moved to Kyiv. Hospitaliers. “Just don’t die” 8 years have passed. Her husband, Yevhen, died in the war. Children – live and study in Poland. And she herself serves in the volunteer medical battalion of Hospitaliers. She went to help soldiers on the front line after the death of her husband. He doesn’t hide it from his children, he says: “They write to me, we keep in touch from time to time. Of course, they worry that I’m at war. It’s very difficult to receive text messages from them on my birthday or on some holiday – ‘just don’t die.'” . It is difficult for them and for me. If I were sitting somewhere in safe Poland right now, I would not be able to withstand it psychologically. Here I know that I have intercepted my husband’s case and I am trying to bring victory closer. Yes, not in the trenches, but by strength. For children, this is not a very normal situation, but it’s better this way than mom, conditionally, going crazy.” For a woman, hospitalists are also a way to psychologically survive the death of her husband. Hospitaliers are a volunteer medical battalion. It is supported entirely by volunteer donations. He does not belong to the Armed Forces, but serves on the entire front line, helps with evacuation at various stages. “I filled out the form – and got into the battalion,” the woman says. “I went through mandatory training. This is a week in a closed area, where we were not just told how to cover bleeding. These are simulations of real combat conditions: from providing medical aid to how to evacuate, how to get out of the car so that we can adequately help in any conditions.” Every evacuation during the war, according to Evgenia, is special in its own way. It all depends on the conditions. Any minor injury can create a difficult evacuation. For example, at night on certain sections of the road you cannot drive with headlights. You need to completely trust the driver. You can’t see anything in the cabin, and heavy machinery drives around. The danger is not only from shelling, but also from a road accident, conditionally, with a tank. There are about 500 people in the battalion. The crew of each rescue team is a driver and two paramedics. They do not receive salaries. Cars, uniforms, ammunition, food and medicine are provided by donors. In general, this is a story about values. “Unlike the army, we have free rotations. I myself can plan when I want to leave and for what period. Who is arranged – you can take time off at work or at your own expense and go to the Battalion. I have an online job, I I carry a laptop with me. This gives me the opportunity to both work and save people on a voluntary basis. I have been in the Hospitaliers since December, and I took a 2-week rotation twice. That is, 5 months on the front line,” says the paramedic. Her task on the way out is to stabilize and take her to the nearest hospital. Stabilization takes place according to the MARCH algorithm. This is a step-by-step action protocol developed for military paramedics – stop and control bleeding, check and restore breathing if necessary, maintain body temperature, check for head injuries. When the injuries are light, fractures – splints are applied. They do not deal with treatment. The main thing is to deliver the wounded to the doctors alive. “Sometimes you save someone, the guys recover, and then they record a video of a tank being hit from a drone. You think then: ‘oh, class, I also did a little bit,'” says the paramedic. There are no exact statistics, but there are a lot of girls in the Hospitaliers. I am lucky with my crew and the battalion of the Armed Forces with which we work – there is no sexism, no jokes. The guys are all respectful, Zhenya says. – But I don’t play as a flower girl who needs to be circled somewhere. We are all in the same conditions. That is, I have to do the same as the boys: where necessary, carry loads, where necessary, crawl. And therefore we are completely equal. Although, unfortunately, this is not the case everywhere. I know many stories when women are psychologically difficult with men in war.” She learned not to pay attention to shelling, turned the instinct of self-preservation “in the negative”. Otherwise, it is impossible to work here. It is important to be psychologically ready for shelling 24/7, constant tension. Study “to let go of the situation”. The war took away her husband. Her family had been volunteering since 2014: her husband constantly brought aid to the military, supported medics. The full-scale attack of Russia did not come as a surprise to them. Yevhen Kolesnichenko went to the Military Committee in early February 2022 and filled out all the papers . At the time of February 24, he had an order: in case of which, to appear at the Military Commissariat within 2 hours. Therefore, waking up after a call from his friends, the husband helped his wife gather the children, ran around the district – to check where the bomb shelters were open – and left. “Our district is old two-story buildings, so the storage was in the subway. We periodically went there, returned, did not understand what was happening, – the woman recalls the first day of the great war. – They walked and walked, three children, a dog, a lot of things. And we decided that we would spend the night at home, there was neither physical nor moral strength. And on the 25th, they left to visit friends in the Kyiv region in the direction of Obukhov, stayed there for several weeks, and already on March 8, they crossed the border with Poland on foot. They found a temporary shelter in Rzeszów.” Later, they were helped to find permanent housing in Szczecin, a city near the border with Germany. There, the mother and her three children settled together with a friend who also has two small children. They lived together like this for 9 months – until Zhenya’s husband died. Yevhen Kolesnichenko is from Donetsk. In civilian life, he is a master of sports in handball, a three-time champion of Ukraine as part of Shakhtar Donetsk, a player of the Ukrainian national handball team. He wanted to join the liberation of Donbas back in 2014, but their twins had just turned one year old. Leave his wife without work with three small children in an unfamiliar city – did not dare. So in 2022 there was not even a conversation in the family – one had to go to fight, the other – to stay with the children. Served in the 58th brigade, was a sniper in the assault company. Died during execution of a combat mission on November 11, 2022. Then their commander was killed and Yevgeny took command. The mission was completed and the group was already returning when the fighters saw the streamer. The man tried to remove it, but the streamer was with a trap – and it blew up. “I found out late in the evening. When I saw the call, I immediately understood that something had happened, because it was not the man who called personally, but his brothers. I went outside and could not go home – it was impossible to hide it from the children. They learned the truth and began to gather Urgently to Kyiv for burial,” Yevgenia said. Evgeny was taken on his last journey in Mykhailivskyi Zolotoverkhi. His ashes were buried at the Lukyanivskyi cemetery on the Alley of Heroes. Psychotherapist – saves “I have advice for women – don’t be afraid to ask for help, – the widow shares her bitter experience. – You can’t think adequately. Farewell, burial, all these paperwork – fall on the wife or mother. And we can’t physically pull it out. My friends helped me personally. The Military Commissariat completely took over the organization of the funeral. But it is important to know: a psychotherapist saves.” She immediately turned to a psychotherapist who specializes in loss. The children began to work with a child psychologist: “And it helped to go through all the stages of grieving faster. That is, to understand all their emotions, to stop blaming themselves and a lot of things that need to be worked out with a specialist. Now there are many funds that provide free psychological help. I would like that there should be state programs in this direction. But it should be of high quality, because the topic is very delicate. Usually, state programs are beginner psychotherapists. Now there are many who have just finished incomprehensible courses and are already called psychologists. And they can do great harm to people.” . Far from mother The child is now far from mother. Daughter Ania is now 13 years old, twins Andriy and Matviy are 10. They went to school in Poland. It just so happened that the school that accepted them turned out to have a sports bias and also specialized in handball. “This made the man very happy. He called them all the time, they chatted about sports, about who plays in which position. Yevhen gave them advice, – says the mother. – When he died, I was contacted by Andrii Melnyk, an athlete and the president of the Handball Federation of Ukraine, who once played with my husband, promised to find a good coach for the children in Ukraine. While they are playing for the Polish school, they went to competitions among voivodeships.” My daughter has been studying at a Ukrainian private online school for a year. Because, Yevgenia says, the state did not provide adequate conditions for children studying abroad. We are talking about grades 5-11, where there are many subjects and teachers. But the boys are now in the 4th grade and continue to study online at their home school: the teacher has well planned the program for those who are studying in foreign schools at the same time. In the summer, when the school year ends in Polish schools, the family plans to return to life in Ukraine: “The children really want to return. They didn’t have time to say goodbye to their father. They have never been to the cemetery. They want to see me, even a little, although I plan to continue service. I will see them, but not very often. My friends will help me, because I have no relatives either in Kyiv or anywhere in Ukraine.” Evgenia’s parents are alive, but… they left to live in Russia. “I don’t hide it,” she says. “It’s their way. I can’t be responsible for other adults. They try to keep in touch with the children, but the children don’t really want to communicate: they’re old enough, they understand why he died.” father, they understand where I am, where they are. We never hid anything from them: they understood why we moved to Kyiv. They already have their own position.” “For me and my husband, ‘after the victory’ has not come.” Before the Great War, Zhenya had a small online shop: together with a friend, they developed and created schemes for cross-stitching. They worked as designers, sold sets, completing them with threads, fabric and everything necessary. Now the shop is working with the help of a friend – the one who lives with Zhenya’s children in Poland. When the children return, the family will try to live their lives. But what will happen next, Evgenia does not guess: “I forgot the phrase “after the victory” for myself. My husband and I had a lot of plans “after the victory”: we postponed everything for “after”, but for the two of us it is “after” – it hasn’t come yet. There will definitely be a victory, but when and how – we don’t know.” *** On the “Shelter” website, caring Ukrainians can offer housing for displaced persons by placing a corresponding ad. Therefore, IDPs can find temporary shelter in any region of Ukraine or abroad, for a few days or for a longer period. The filter system will help you easily choose the option that meets your criteria and quickly contact the owner. The site works in 40 languages. This is a completely volunteer initiative. It was launched on the first day of the full-scale invasion by People’s Deputy of Ukraine Halyna Yanchenko. Later, the “Shelter” program received state support. Homeowners who sheltered displaced persons receive compensation from the state for the payment of communal services. Roksana Kasumova, specially for “UP. Life”

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