How to afford a vacation during the war: the advice of a psychotherapist

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Allowing yourself to rest during a full-scale war, especially when you see the military at the front, is sometimes not easy. For a short period of time, the supply of energy and strength can be replenished by comforting news, but no matter how many there are, they cannot be a substitute for a full-fledged rest. “Ukrainian Pravda. Life” talked to military and civilian Ukrainians to find out how their vacation went and whether they managed to rest. Our interlocutors were: Alina Revenko – yoga trainer from Kremenchuk, blind; Yevgenia Motorevska – head of the military investigations department in the English-language media in Kyiv; Andriy Mochurad is an active military man. We talked with psychotherapist Maria Fabricheva about related problems that may arise during planning and the rest itself and how to overcome them. The expert shared her life hacks and told whether it is possible to take a break from the war. Alina: “When I read the news, I felt an oppressive stupor inside” Alina Revenko. Photo of a woman from Facebook Alina Revenko managed to go abroad for the first time during a full-scale invasion in June 2022. Combining a business trip with a vacation, the woman says, is a common thing. For the past 12 years, Alina has been practicing yoga and meditation and often participates in thematic events abroad. Then, says Alina, she wanted to rest not so much because of the war, but because of the fatigue of living with her parents. Alina is blind, in February 2022, for safety reasons, she moved to live with her parents, who also live in Kremenchuk. Alina spent her vacation on the coast of Albania. He says that 10 days full of excursions and trips around the city gave him an opportunity to switch his attention away from problems. However, it was almost impossible not to listen to news from Ukraine. The feeling of anxiety for her parents reached its peak when a Russian rocket hit the Kremenchug Amstor shopping center – then, the woman adds, the time abroad seemed especially unbearable. “At such moments, longing covers me, and I fall into frustration for a while – I don’t cry, but it’s like some kind of depressing stupor inside. My condition was a little relieved by the fact that none of my loved ones were hurt,” Alina shares. The journey home from Albania to Ukraine by bus took several days. Then Alina wanted to get to Kremenchuk as soon as possible to hug her relatives. Yevheniya: “I will choose a country with the minimum number of Russians” Yevheniya Motorevska. Photo of a woman from Facebook The information space is a familiar environment for editor Yevgenia Motorevska. The first six months of the great invasion were the most intense, says the woman, when there was no time to even think about rest. However, in the summer of 2022, when it became clear that the war would not end in “2-3 weeks”, Evgenia began to look for free time from work – she signed up for a gym and, if possible, followed the usual 5/2 schedule until February 24. When the opportunity arose to join an international conference in Sweden in October, the woman decided to combine it with a vacation and had a few days “to herself” after the main event. “I knew that I was going abroad to do the same thing as in Ukraine – to talk about the war and war crimes. When I left, I had anxiety, which was much less before. It’s as if you have everything under control when you’re in Ukraine, but when you’re outside, you don’t. In case of something, you won’t be able to quickly come, support or help from abroad. This is a certain discomfort,” says the editor. Evgenia says that turning off gadgets and switching attention from the news while on vacation was not only difficult, but almost impossible. “I couldn’t afford to wake up in the morning and not read about what happened that night in Ukraine, because all my closest people were staying there at the time. I returned home with very positive emotions. Despite the danger associated with missile attacks, mentally I feel safer in Kyiv and it’s a place where you don’t have to explain anything to anyone – conditionally, when you stay up all night because of air alarms and in the morning you see the same tired people in the office them people,” the editor adds. Evgenia suggests that a vacation can be more pleasant if you spend it together with all your loved ones. Probably, this will be the case during the next vacation of the woman, however, she has no final plans at the moment. “If there is an opportunity to go somewhere, I would like to choose a country where there will be a minimum number of Russians. This is important for me. And this applies not only to the language – when you see Russians in Europe visiting museums or walking the streets of Vienna, it is difficult to remain emotionless,” the woman adds. Andrii: “When you’re at home, priorities appear” Andrii Mochurad is an officer of moral and psychological support. Before the beginning of the Russian invasion in 2014, the man connected his life with various spheres, after – mostly with the military, and on February 24, 2022, he rejoined the army. Currently, he is an active military man of the Armed Forces of Ukraine with the call sign “Condor”. Last May, Andriy took a leave of absence due to family reasons. The military spent it at home in the western part of Ukraine in the family circle. “For several days of vacation, I was with my family in nature, limiting myself as much as possible from destructive communication and those that are not a priority, other days I was engaged in military issues, running around the authorities with references,” says the man. According to Andriy, his vacation turned out to be enough to divert his attention from the war for a short time. Also, during the vacation, the man faced the fact that he will not be able to see all his relatives and friends, because there is not enough time for everyone. And, he says, you probably don’t need to meet everyone. “With my family, there were no fewer common topics for conversation, but with many acquaintances – the opposite. I have a negative attitude toward relatives and acquaintances with whom I have different values. I stopped communicating with them not because of principles, but because of priority, which they do not belong to,” Andrii sums up. 10 tips for quality rest ✅ In order to understand that you need a vacation, psychotherapist Maria Fabricheva advises paying attention to your well-being. Most often, red flags become: insomnia; difficult awakening and sleepiness during the day; feeling of constant fatigue; sudden change of emotions; irritability; exacerbation of chronic diseases or manifestations of new ones. Photo: icoletaionescu/Depositphotos ✅ So that the rest does not harm and tire you even more, determine the format of the vacation – where and how long it will last. Planning will be useful for both civilian and military people. Usually, says Maria Fabricheva, military and civilians are “tired” of different things, so the vision of rest will be different. The shortest is a “fragmentary” vacation, which will last from one to three days. According to the psychotherapist, this time will be enough for emotional recovery. “During this time, the body will not be able to recover to a sufficient physical level even by 50%, but if you turn off your gadgets for these 1-2 days, warn your relatives and colleagues that you are on vacation, download, conditionally, some interesting light series to switch your attention, your brain will thank you for a sharp and powerful infodetox,” says the expert. During this period, you can also limit or turn off sound notifications on gadgets, as well as choose priority contacts from which calls will be made with sound in the phone settings. ✅ In addition to what is planned, always have a “plan B”, because many things do not depend on you, says Maria Fabricheva. “In about a week, you can start preparing your surroundings, so that, conditionally, from the 20th you go on vacation. At the same time, you should not have high hopes that everything will happen as it should. Be prepared that you will not go anywhere and will just lie at home and read a book. An important point: if you have overworked, then the vacation can really take place in a horizontal position in bed. This is also normal,” adds Maria. Photo: simonapilolla/Depositphotos ✅ During martial law, it is impossible to rest from war, the expert believes. Understanding this, it is important to be able to replenish your strength. “We are in the funnel of injuries, adjusting to a certain rhythm. On vacation, you can do an interesting exercise – list everything you have done in a certain period of time and what you have achieved. Previously, people did this before the New Year. Write down your achievements – what you did, who you helped, supported, etc. This is an effective mechanism that gives energy,” Maria sums up. ✅ If you decide to go abroad, be prepared to face another reality – a peaceful everyday life, as the carefree life of foreigners can affect the quality of your vacation. It is also worth being ready to meet Russians. The question of the fact that outside Ukraine people live an ordinary life, while the war is going on in our country, says Fabricheva, borders on the philosophical. “It is important to understand that life goes on. Yes, even during the full-scale war of the Russian Federation in Ukraine. This can cause sadness. The answer to one of the most difficult questions – what will happen when I am gone, is quite simple: “life will go on”. This problem cannot be solved, it must only be accepted. Yes, people live, work,” says Maria. ✅ Abroad, it is normal to follow news and air alerts in Ukraine. Psychotherapist Maria Fabricheva calls it an allusion to control. She explains that if you are outside Ukraine and read bad news, you need to react to it correctly. At these moments, Maria does not advise restraining yourself when, for example, you want to scream, cry or hit the pillow. Also, as an option, you can: speak or write everything you feel; shout without a sound (after filling your chest with air, pretend to shout the sound “a”, but without a sound); do physical exercises; take a contrast shower with efforts to “spit out” emotions. Photo: Srtajihan/Depositphotos ✅ In order not to injure yourself more deeply, the psychotherapist advises to limit the consumption of information. For example, do not watch videos and photos, but only read the news. This will make it possible to reduce the visualization of what is happening. ✅ A feeling of anxiety may arise abroad, because when a person does not see the event with his own eyes, he begins to have fantasies. “In fantasies, everything is always hyperbolized, and it seems that we have much more power, power and strength than we actually have. This happens unconsciously and very quickly. That is why people from abroad can be even more nervous than people in the country,” the expert explains. ✅ “If you’re abroad and you want to, for example, go to a night club – go,” says Fabricheva. However, Maria continues, often, after such parties, a person can be overtaken by a sense of guilt. The psychotherapist calls this shifting of responsibility. “The fact that you dance or sing in karaoke does not affect, for example, whether Russia will launch a missile attack tonight. Try not to take responsibility, which is entirely borne by our enemy. You subconsciously transfer it to yourself, because everyone at school knows that you must always look for the guilty,” Maria Fabricheva explains. Photo: kasto/Depositphotos ✅ The procedure for planning a vacation in Ukraine is no different from abroad. In addition to the fact that there are currently no safe places in our country, it is unlikely that you will be able to relax emotionally. In addition, you need to remember the safety rules. “You can go, for example, to the Carpathians or somewhere in the region to a cottage or a recreation center and rest. The rules of infodectox remain. Unfortunately, many of us are used to air alarms and, even if you sit in a shelter during vacation, it will not affect the general condition. The main thing is to distract yourself and change the picture,” says the expert. People who want to spend a vacation in Ukraine, in particular military personnel, should be able to express their opinion and the emotions associated with it. “First of all, you need to try not to let emotions lead to self-destruction or a powerful conflict. If something annoys you, express your opinion and forget it,” Maria shares her advice. Anastasia Poya, “Ukrainian truth. Life” Read also: How to continue living during the war?

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