How to support a friend, partner or child during weight loss?

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Family and friends support in losing weight is very important to loved ones who are trying to fight with extra pounds.

You need to be able to talk to family and friends about being overweight and not use shaming or fat-shaming.

“UP. Life” together with psychologist Anastasia Mykhaylenko shares methods that will help support loved ones who are losing weight and explains how not to offend a person and what phrases should not be used.

How to support a loved one who is losing weight?

• Create an environment of group support.

Solidarity should be observed: change eating habits together, start playing sports, take long walks, etc.

Imagine that you have made a decision to lose weight, and your family eats sweet, fried, fatty foods and brings all this home. It is difficult to resist these temptations when they are right next to you.

“At the same time, there is always a way to find an option that will suit everyone. For example, there may be sweets in the apartment, but a person who is losing weight will not know where it is. You can also choose from the family menu dishes that are suitable for all family members.”– advises psychologist Anastasia Mykhaylenko.

• Help find other pleasures.

Most often, food is either a way to get pleasure or to overcome stress.

A person needs to find new hobbies, activities, ways of taking care of himself, finding a resource. It can be dancing, massage, walks in the forest, beautician, etc.

• Believe in a person.

Support the person during times of stress, let them express their feelings and empathize.

• Discuss your actions with your partner.

When you both need to lose weight at the same time, you as a team must move towards a common goal: reminding each other that you can withstand this difficult period and lose weight to the desired weight.

“I recommend that the couple talk about what kind of psychological atmosphere and support they need. Some couples even agree that they can forbid each other certain purchases or force them to do certain activities (such as sports). Other couples may need gentler methods : support, search for motivation”, – the psychologist advises.

Such a conversation is especially necessary when one of the couple needs to lose weight. Because there is a possible conflict of interests, which will result in a real conflict between the couple, which is stressful for both.

“Although only one person needs to lose weight, practice shows that when there is support from a couple, the probability that a person will reach his goal is much greater.” – emphasizes Anastasia Mykhaylenko.

When you both need to lose weight at the same time, you as a team must move towards a common goal: reminding each other that you can withstand this difficult period and lose weight to the desired weight. Photo: pressmaster/Depositphotos

Read also: Money in a couple: how to create and manage a family budget

Phrases you shouldn’t say to an overweight person

• “I feel so fat”

While you may think that complaining about your own body doesn’t harm others, experts disagree. When people say, “Wow, I feel so fat today,” it reinforces their perception and the opinion of their loved ones that the body they live in is wrong, when in fact their weight is normal. This method does not help to describe the feeling of well-being, because kilograms are not real feelings or emotions.

• “You’re not fat, you’re beautiful!”

This phrase implies that weight is opposed to beauty. It stigmatizes large bodies and can negatively affect a person’s body image by emphasizing that there are certain defined body types that are beautiful.

Instead, you can simply say, “I think you’re beautiful.”

• “You look amazing! Have you lost weight?”

Commenting that someone “looks amazing” and mistaking it for weight loss is very harmful. At the same time, a person may struggle with an eating disorder, illness, or severe stress that has limited his appetite.

Even if a person has lost weight on purpose, associating it with “looking amazing” can be harmful. Comments like these contribute to stigma and the false belief that being thin is better than having a bigger body.

• “I’ll be bad and eat cake”

Although this statement is not directly related to the body or its size, classifying food as “good” or “bad” is quite difficult.

This phrase is problematic because it moralizes food, making it seem like you are a “good” person if you eat “healthy” food, and a “bad” person if you eat “unhealthy” food. As a result, it means that it is “good” to be thin and “bad” to be fat.

Instead of beating yourself up for choosing to eat a certain food, be confident in your decision and enjoy it.

Read also: How to support a person with depression. Instruction from a psychologist

• “I’m out of shape”

Equating physical fitness to a certain shape or size is incorrect. The “I’m in shape” statement has more to do with ideals of beauty than with strength, mobility, or function.

If you’re using this expression to describe your fitness level, it’s better to just say, “I’m not in the shape I used to be.” Or, to be more specific, say, “I’m running harder than I used to,” or “I can’t lift the same weight as I did last year.”

• “When everything is in order, the weight will disappear”

There is a myth, perpetuated by movie plots and weight loss stories, that prioritizing self-improvement also leads to weight loss or improved appearance. Overweight people exist regardless of whether they have experienced trauma or not. Thinness is not a sign of good mental health, just as fatness is not a sign of poor mental health.

Losing weight is not a mental health goal – it’s better to just not discuss weight and body size in such conversations.

“In order to support a person who is being shamed, it is necessary to be with him, to ask what kind of support he needs.

You can talk to a person about their feelings, ask how they feel and talk about their boundaries: that no one has the right to violate them and make such remarks, it’s only their business.” – shares Anastasia Mykhaylenko.

Losing weight is not a mental health goal – it’s better to just not discuss weight and body size in such conversations. Photo: VitalikRadko/Depositphotos

Read also: Where to find a resource and how to take care of yourself? A psychologist tells

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