“In the atmosphere of aggression, I had a hard time imagining how to give birth.” Stories from a shelter that helps pregnant women in crisis

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Svitlana is a woman who, at the age of eighteen, was trapped in an abusive relationship for 15 long years. Having become a mother for the first time, she happily raised a child, and wanted to artificially terminate the second pregnancy due to many doubts.

In a happy marriage, Elina experienced two miscarriages and the loss of a child, the couple had no children for more than five years. Having passed a difficult path, the woman is already expecting her third child.

One of the organizations in Ukraine helped our heroines overcome crisis situations in their lives and learn to support women with similar fates.

The following are the stories of Svitlana and Elina.

Elina with her husband and children

He was ruining my life

Svitlana grew up early: at the age of 14, she got into a foreign country and was forced to live with unfriendly relatives without parents. She finished school, entered school, found a job. At eighteen, she met her love, but later realized that she had become a victim of domestic violence.

The man seemed serious to Svetlana: he worked, rented an apartment, played sports. But already after two months of cohabitation, the girl saw the first manifestations of aggression in him: shouts, humiliation, insults.

“I expected protection from him, but I experienced moral violence… I collected things more than once, but he again declared his love, assured me that everything would change… You know, it was like a constant déjà vu.” – says the woman.

Svetlana became pregnant with her first child. A civilian man handed the girl a certificate for an abortion, arguing that they were too young. The girl then refused even to think about it.

Later, a daughter was born, who became a real comfort for Svetlana, who was still inexperienced in motherhood. But the woman began to notice that it was fading:

“I became withdrawn, absorbed in myself, upset. When we walked with him on the street, I did not dare to look up at anyone, but looked under my feet so that he would not suspect something… This state became a habit for me. I went to the police, but no one there took my statement seriously.”

Svetlana still managed to escape for two years. But all this time it was a daily stress for her: her roommate chased her, often stood near the windows of the office where Svitlana worked, started scandals, because of which she had to leave her workplace.

“He was ruining my life”the woman shared.

Svetlana became pregnant for the second time in 2018:

“I waited so long for this! But in the atmosphere of aggression, I had a hard time imagining how to give birth and looked for an opportunity to get rid of the child. I still remember my tabs on Google with information on how to have an abortion”.

At that time, a volunteer friend from the Save a Life International crisis pregnancy center appeared in her life.

Save a Life International in Ukraine is an international organization that has been providing assistance to pregnant women in crisis situations for eight years.

Pain point

Elina at the life center in Zaporizhzhia

For more than five years of marriage, Elina and her husband had two miscarriages and the loss of a child. Doctors could not help her get pregnant.

In 2016, the woman learned about Save a Life International at one of the conferences, whose activities really impressed her:

“I cried all three days, because I understood: all the puzzles came together in one picture. And it became clear why I had to go through such a difficult path in my life… I could not remain indifferent, it turned out to be my pain point – when you cannot bear pain so much , who is ready to put his life on it” Elina said.

Despite the fact that the international leadership did not plan to open another Center in Ukraine, Elina gathered a powerful team of seventeen people, and yet in February 2017, the Life Center opened in Zaporizhzhia.

Since then, Elina has worked there for five consecutive years as a director, and now she is responsible for the educational part of the organization.

Life-center and preservation of life

Svetlana reluctantly went to the life center when she became pregnant for the second time. She was depressed because of the violence from the man with whom she continued to live, and wanted to have an abortion:

“I hesitated, but changed my mind. Having an abortion is not about me: I love children very much and I wanted to give birth to this child too!”

Two years later, mentally and physically exhausted from cohabitation with the abuser, Svitlana turned to her volunteer friend for help because she felt at a dead end.

All nine months of Svetlana’s pregnancy were spent at the center: thematic meetings, communication, courses, support for women’s health, new friends, help with things and everything necessary for the child.

Where they build relationships with mothers

“We have a whole system. We are not a humanitarian headquarters. We have a special program for women in crisis, designed for two years. That is, we promise to support a woman for two years.” – said Elina about the life center.

The education system is built in such a way that for each lesson and completed homework, a woman receives conditional money, which she can then exchange for food, clothes for herself and the child, diapers, napkins, etc. Partners of the Center found housing for women who had nowhere to live.

For pregnant women in crisis, almost every Center has online classes if they cannot attend in person for some reason. Once a month, such mothers come to the office for financial assistance.

“We are trying to build relationships with mothers, so the primary task is not education, but building friendly relations.

If we identify a woman’s need for a specialist, for example, she is a drug or alcohol addict, has problems with breastfeeding, or needs a psychologist, then we continue to cooperate with other organizations.” Elina shared.

Svetlana’s new life

Two years later, mentally exhausted, but with a great desire to start living, Svetlana and her children were taken to another city by the Center’s staff. The girl ended up in Zhytomyr and started a new life.

Today, she is the support and support for pregnant mothers who are in trouble, because Svitlana is an administrator at the Life Center.

The woman says that she has finally started to live and enjoys the role of a mother:

“For me, every minute with my little son is precious. He is interesting, loves hugs and kisses, constantly says: mommy, love me. This means hugs and kisses. I sometimes think that my son is tired of my love, but in fact I think that love there is never too much.”

Anna Povyata, especially for UP. Life

Read also: In Texas, the court forbade a woman to have an abortion despite the fact that the child is terminally ill

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