“People live and do not understand what happiness it is to hug children.” The story of a woman whose family was taken away by the war

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On March 3, 2022, at 12:15 p.m., the second life of 43-year-old Svitlana Zheldak began. On that day, Russian aircraft hit the house where she grew up. Her relatives died there: 42-year-old husband Mykhailo, 21-year-old daughter Polina with her fiancé Yevhen Kovalenko, 33, 14-year-old son Hleb, and 86-year-old grandmother Halyna Pecherna. Almost a year has passed since the tragedy, but time has not dulled the pain. Svetlana is still learning to live her second life, which she did not ask for. The woman told “Ukrainian Pravda. Life” about her family’s tragedy. “All my life my husband carried me in his arms” At the beginning of March, the Russians destroyed the neighborhood with rockets, bombs and artillery. Photo by Natalia Naidyuk Podusivka microdistrict on the western edge of Chernihiv has always been cozy, green and truly homely. But after the events of February and March 2022, when the Russians tried to capture the city, he looks wounded. Schools, streets, houses, shops, gas stations, trees, and most importantly, people: everything felt the destructive force of war here. Every day, Svitlana Zheldak passes by the place where her house stood. It belonged to the father’s family, but it was built by his maternal grandfather. In March 2022, a Russian rocket destroyed the house and killed Svetlana’s closest relatives. A pile of broken bricks, boards, slate, plaster and pieces of furniture remained as a reminder. And the metal gate and wicket still stood. After the shelling of the Russians, Svitlana’s house collapsed. Only the gate and wicket survived. Photo by Nataliya Naydyuk “I grew up on this street. My school was 100 meters away. Here people not only greet each other politely, but know each other. Every Easter, we just set the table on the street and celebrated with our neighbors. We fell in love, got married, raised children here and were happy,” recalls Svitlana Zheldak. She met the love of her life – Mykhailo – at school. They studied together in high school, lived on neighboring streets. Later, the couple got married and had two children. The young family lived with Mykhailo’s parents. The man worked as an engineer in Chernihivoblenergo. Later he got a promotion. Svetlana was a saleswoman in a baby food store. And a few years ago, she retrained as a massage and depilation master. Mykhailo Zheldak. Photo from the family archive “Misha carried me in his arms all my life. Next to him, I felt like a little girl who didn’t have to worry about anything. He allowed me to be myself, protected me from all the troubles of this world. We lived a happy life together. And in in one moment I lost this life of mine. It hurts a lot,” says the woman with tears in her eyes. Mykhailo, Polina, Svitlana and Hleb Zheldak. Photo from the family archive “It’s hard to look at teenagers” The school that the Russians destroyed on March 3. Many people died then. Photo by Natalia Naidyuk In the morning, Svitlana drinks coffee, puts on a leash for her beloved German shepherd Dara and walks the dog through the yard of a school destroyed by Russian troops. There are no windows, the roof and walls are damaged. Suddenly, two boys aged 12-14 emerge from the ruins. “I often see children here. Where are the parents looking? And God forbid, something will collapse. People live and do not understand what a treasure it is to have a family, to hug children… It is difficult for me to look at teenagers now. When I see my son’s classmates, they are not even they say hello, fall silent, lower their heads and pass by. I understand that they probably just don’t know what to say. Children…” Svetlana thinks, holding the shepherd dog by the leash. Svitlana Zheldak and the German shepherd Dar. Photo by Natalia Naidyuk All the attention and love that she once gave to her children and husband, now Dar receives. He is active, restless and devoted to his mistress. When she goes somewhere, he brings her slippers to the couch and sleeps on them. The woman bought him as a puppy 10 days before the full-scale war. It was a birthday present for myself and my son Hleb. Both were born in February. Svitlana Zheldak with her son Hleb. Photo from the personal archive “You know, Gleb grew up as an active boy. He was fond of sports: he went to wrestling, and in the evenings to exercise machines near the school. Together with his father, he collected music CDs, had his own collection of knives. He really wanted a dog. Gleb had a keen sense of justice, to be friends with it was difficult for him with children,” says Svitlana. The dog was to become a friend for his son. But the dog had another role – to help the mother survive the biggest loss in her life. On weekends, Svetlana walks with him three times a day. One long walk – necessarily in the forest. There, away from human eyes, a woman can pour out her pain through screams and tears. On weekdays, he goes out for a walk only twice. He devotes the rest of his time to clients. To see the bride, Zhenya rode more than 70 kilometers on a bicycle. Svetlana does anti-cellulite massage and other procedures. In 2019, my daughter encouraged me to change my job: she showed me an announcement about studying. Later, she showed how to run social networks to attract female clients. “Polina would argue with me, but now I don’t have the strength to write posts, display photos. That’s why I work mainly with those clients who were before the war. I love my business, but now I can’t fully enjoy it because of stress,” – as if making excuses , says Svitlana. Mother and daughter have always been close. And when Polina grew up, they became friends. The girl studied at the Nizhyn Pedagogical University to become an English teacher. Worked as a tutor. Polina Zheldak and Yevgeny Kovalenko. Photo from personal archive In 2019, Polina met her future fiancé Yevhen Kovalenko. The guy worked and studied in Nizhyn, but they met each other on Instagram. “They planned to get married, open language courses in Nizhyn, and later have children… If they didn’t see each other for a long time, they would send each other paper letters. When the coronavirus pandemic began, Polya switched to remote work, and Zhenya stayed to work in Nizhyn. Every weekend he sat down on bike and rode to Pola in Chernihiv. It’s about 70 kilometers straight, and all 90 on the roads. I also joked with him: you’re definitely normal, you ride so many kilometers on a bicycle every week,” Svitlana recalls with a smile. She loved her future son-in-law. He says he immediately became his own. Plans, dreams about vacations were shared by the five of them: she with Misha, Polya with Yevhen, and Hleb. In June 2022, they planned to travel to Ukraine to celebrate the 22nd wedding anniversary and Mykhailo’s 43 years. But it was not destined. “I will be with you until my last breath” What remained of Svetlana’s parents’ house. Photo by Natalia Naidyuk A full-scale war caught the family by surprise. On the very first day, Polina and Yevhen arrived from Nizhyn. Together with Svitlana, Mykhailo, Gleb and Dar, they went from their mother-in-law to Svitlana’s parents’ house. Dad stayed in Nizhyn at work. Only my mother and grandmother were at home. The latter lived all her life in a village near Chernigov. She raised three children, worked in a collective farm. But when her husband died, her daughter took her to Chernihiv. Galina Pecherna’s childhood was spent during the Second World War. And in the same way, she lived her last days in the war. Halyna Pecherna with her family. Photo from the family archive “We decided that it was safer in my parents’ house. It seemed stronger. In addition, there was a passage room where the rule of “two walls” almost worked,” says Svitlana, looking into the ruins of her house. In the first days the family hid in a shelter during the air raids. But Gleb had allergic asthma and was suffocating from dust and dampness. On March 1, he said he would be in the house. So did other family members. Those were nervous days. People did not understand what would happen continued and everyone experienced stress in their own way. On the morning of March 3, Svitlana told each of her relatives that she loved them very much. She spoke as if she felt that this was the last time. “We visited our mother-in-law that day. Around 12.00, they were going to return – the siren started. Grandma was alone in the house, so we quickly ran there. I, Misha, Dar, Polina and Zhenya – lay down in one room. Hleb lay down on the couch in another room, my mother and grandmother were with him,” says Svitlana, pointing to the place where her parents’ home used to be. A few minutes passed and Svitlana heard a loud bang. In a moment, her home, which she considered a fortress , formed like a house of cards. On the mobile phones of the participants of those events, the same time froze – 12:15. “I heard how they were dying. Misha was breathing, straining, as if he was trying to throw off the stove, but he couldn’t. For a moment he simply froze. Grandma and Zhenya died instantly. I heard Polina cry. In a moment, she also fell silent. About Hleb, my mother said that he called me several times and kept quiet,” Svitlana says, crying. People quickly came to the aid of the victims and began to disassemble the ruins. When they got Hleb, his heart was still beating. But he died in a few minutes. Mykhailo Zheldak Photo from the family archive “My husband always told his children: ‘I will be with you until my last breath.’ That’s how it happened,” says Svitlana. Miraculously, she and her mother remained practically unharmed. On March 5, the women left Chernihiv. They headed to the west of Ukraine, where Zhenya’s brother lived. “The pain never goes away.” The dead were buried in the old Chernihiv cemetery. Photo Natalia Naidyuk At the old cemetery, where people have not been buried for the last decades, there are hundreds of fresh graves. Many of them are with flags. But there are also many civilians. Among them, group burials catch the eye: when a whole family was buried in one grave. This was also done for of the Zheldak family: a wide grave and a tall cross with five names on it. The mother-in-law buried them all at the beginning of April. Svitlana asked to wait for her return, because she wanted to hug her relatives for the last time. But the husband’s mother and friends convinced that it was better to bury them as soon as possible . Then people were afraid that a rocket might fly into the morgue at any moment and there would simply be no one to bury… The whole family was buried in one grave. Photo by Nataliya Naydyuk “I really miss Misha and the children. I don’t need anyone like them in this life. And no one will need me like they do. The pain does not go away. I still can’t fathom that they’re gone. In the evenings, sometimes it seems to me that Polya is with Zhenya in Nizhyn. Misha is at work, Gleb is at training. This self-deception helps not to lose one’s mind,” says Svitlana, standing next to the cross. Rockets on the calendar In Polina Zheldak’s room, the calendars are still open on March 3. Photo by Nataliya Naydyuk On Polina’s desk, among her personal belongings and photos, there are two calendars. They were opened on March 3. A rocket is painted on one of them, and a quote about a new life on the other. Now these messages seem prophetic. Svitlana Zheldak still brings candies to the children’s rooms. Photo by Nataliya Naydyuk In the children’s room in her mother-in-law’s house, Svitlana brings candies. Believes, they see this and rejoice. In Polina’s room, everything remains almost as it was during her lifetime. Svitlana comes here to be in silence and draw pictures by numbers. And where Gleb lived, Svitlana’s mother lives. However, there there are still many of the boy’s things: boxing gloves, drawings, CDs. After the death of relatives, days became the same for Svetlana. Before the war, Mykhailo always cooked dinner in the family: he came home from work earlier and generally loved cooking cook. No one sat down at the table without their mother: having dinner together was a family tradition that at one time brought them all closer together. Now the woman is having dinner alone. And it hurts a lot. Grandma already lives in Hleb’s room, but there are still many of his things. Photo by Nataliya Naidyuk For a long time, Svitlana could not enter the shopping center and shops where she liked to visit with her daughter. They were helped to cross their threshold by friends and girlfriends who were and remain by their side during difficult days. At home, Dar and the cat Kitty help to keep from going crazy. The latter appeared in her already after the tragedy. Animals help Svetlana not to go crazy. Photo by Natalia Naidyuk “I believe that my children and my husband are nearby and hear me, I just can’t hug them. I mentally talk to them when I walk with Dar in the forest. Of course, it may sound strange… But somehow I asked my – if they really hear me, let a red cat come to my house or in the forest. In two months, Kitty ran to me from the crows that pecked her when I was with Dar in the forest,” says Svitlana, gently hugging the cat and the dog . The text was prepared by the Memorial platform, which tells the stories of civilians killed by Russia and dead Ukrainian soldiers, especially for. To report data on Ukraine’s losses, fill out the forms: for dead military and civilian victims.

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