“We turned out to be alive!” As a mother with a son with the most severe form of disability, they survived the occupation

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The first thing a mother does when a siren sounds or there are explosions nearby is to grab her children and run for cover. And she cannot. Her eldest son has a disability of the most complex subgroup A of the first group. These are people who are actually unable to take care of themselves. Antonina Vakulenko is 50. Son Dmytro is 30, although doctors did not give the boy more than a year. He has a very severe form of cerebral palsy, spastic tetraparesis. He does not speak, does not eat on his own, lies down, has a large number of accompanying diagnoses. The youngest son Oleksandr is 28. He is healthy. If it weren’t for him, says Antonina, the family would not have survived the invasion. They are together all their lives. They live in Velyka Dymerka, which is an hour’s drive from Kyiv. During the Russian offensive on the capital, more than 200 houses were completely destroyed, and more than 500 were damaged. When the occupiers entered the village, people were herded into the basements – those who appeared on the street were immediately opened fire. Then, even the strongest could not stand it. Ms. Antonina told her story especially for the special project “Hide Your Own” on “UP. Life”. Dmytro with his mother Antonina before the war. I’m afraid to take him one more time, lest his bones break. : you have to collect your son “in a heap”, dress him, take him out. It’s very difficult.” At first, leaving Kyiv region, which was immediately attacked by the enemy, was out of the question: “We didn’t plan categorically. My son is not transportable. I’m afraid to take him one more time so that his bones don’t break. For me, going to the hospital with him is a big feat was”. At the beginning of a full-scale invasion, the woman decided to stock up on food and medicine to last her son for a long time. I also bought gasoline for the generator. From products, I took sugar, chocolate, dried fruits – raisins and dried apricots. “Not just long-term storage, but so that it can be chewed. My child is like that: he needs a blender, and if there is no light, then we have to get out of the situation,” says Antonina. She filled the cylinder with gas. I tried to calculate everything so that later I would not go anywhere. She prepared the grave, although she did not particularly hope for it, because it is shallow. A direct hit won’t save anything. The younger, Oleksandr, persuaded them to leave. “But for some reason I believed that it was not necessary. I was afraid that my son would not survive the journey. I had no idea how he would die on the way. Let it be here, on the spot. But we turned out to be resilient,” says the woman. The younger son stayed with them. If he wasn’t there, says Antonina, she doesn’t know what she would do. Dmytro during the occupation “In a peaceful life, I just took him in my arms and carried him. But here – the forces have gone somewhere” Since March 6, Russian tanks have been driving through the streets of Velika Dymerka. The horrors of the occupation began. “If someone was moving on the street, they ran into a car, shot families. There were simply cars with shot families standing on the street,” Antonin shuddered at the memories. “They went around the houses, took the phones.” On March 14, they promised to open a humanitarian corridor for civilians who want to evacuate. Antonina Vakulenko admits that she has already succumbed to persuasion – to leave at least to Brovary. “That day, it was as if we were reborn,” says the woman. “We spent the night in a bomb shelter with neighbors on a parallel street. At 7 in the morning we returned home to prepare something for Dima to eat on the way. Sashko drove us, because there was already an explosion nearby. And at 9:30 we left “fly” just to where we are – it covered both our corner and the entire Pokrovska Street. It was destroyed.” She still can’t remember the day they were hailed. He does not know how he managed to survive, running from house to house. “I couldn’t pull Dimka,” my mother cries. “In a peaceful life, I just took him in my arms and carried him. We didn’t have a stroller. And then my strength just disappeared somewhere. I was just thinking about where to move the child, what to cover, to protect him from this at least a little bit. We put Dimka between the sofas and made him a protection.” When the shelling stopped, the youngest son and two other boys went to pick him up: they put him on a blanket that was held by the corners: “I had to run a few yards. But almost immediately a machine-gun fire rang out from behind the fence, on the boys’ heads. My heart stopped, because one sick child laid down three healthy ones. They fell to the ground and were not breathing. But, fortunately, they fell in time, they were not hurt, they crawled to the shelter. And the Russian soldiers showed that it is impossible to move, because everyone is under the gun.” It flew into their yard 30 minutes after they left. The house was damaged, the barn caught fire. The roof of the neighbor’s house was completely blown off – it was a direct hit. People barely had time to jump into the basement. For the next 8 days, they sat in that basement without a trace. About 30 people in total. There were children, people after a stroke. “These days seemed like an eternity,” Antonina Vakulenko says. , of course, tried to cover it up.” They slept sitting or alternated for 2-3 hours. They tried to place the children more or less comfortably, and the adults were placed on bags, on the floor, as they arranged themselves. It was very cold – 10 degrees below zero: “I remember waking up on March 17 – even my teeth were freezing, it was so cold. Wet and cold. And scary. Nothing could save me. If we had sat there even longer, I would have lost my son – he just couldn’t stand it.” The destroyed home of the family “They put Dimka in the trunk so that more people could leave that hell” On March 21, the evacuation corridor was opened. According to our heroine, there was no end in sight to the column: everyone fled, even though they had hoped to “stay over”. They left in a neighbor’s car, which miraculously survived in the garage, although the house next door was broken into. Dima was put in the trunk: “If I sat in the back seat and took him in my arms, no one else would have fit. And so there were 9 people in the car. I don’t know how I got in, but it didn’t matter – the main thing was that as many people as possible left that hell.” First they stopped in Brovary. And in a few days, in search of shelter, they went to Volyn, to the rehabilitation center in the village of Boratyn. It was not possible to take Dmytro on the train, so they traveled on a bus, in which a makeshift bed made of mattresses was arranged in the back. “I can’t talk about our stay in Volyn without tears!” says Antonina. “Everything was done, I didn’t worry about anything. They waited for us, they gave us a separate room with special beds. They gave Dima a wheelchair. There was an elevator, everything was equipped for people with a severe disability”. They lived there for almost 4 weeks. They were received as humanely as possible: “The head of the rehabilitation center, Hanna Nikolaevna, and the head of the village council, Alla Borisivna, literally saved us. People with a capital letter who took care of us. We had no money at all. I spent everything in the first days of the war, because I thought that the shops would be open there won’t be, and the money simply won’t be spent anywhere. There were no big bags or suitcases – only my own life. There was no winter jacket for Dimka, no wheelchair. And the reports came back that we were already “beautiful”. “Thank you for every day that I can live with him !” Many years ago, a doctor told her: “You will not go against nature. It’s impossible to cure, the real thing is to provide proper care.” For 30 years, she has been by her son’s side every day – both when it’s hard for him and when it gets a little easier. “You don’t understand when something will hit him, says the mother. – They always knew our address in the emergency room, but I understood that I could not get used to doctors – I studied on my own. She could have done a lot before the ambulance arrived, she called, consulted, took it at her own peril and risk.” Spastic tetraparesis is the most severe form of cerebral palsy. Due to the increased muscle tone, they are constantly in a state of contraction, they begin to atrophy. Because of this, the bones grow completely differently, the joints “squeeze” “, he twists his arms and legs: “There is a terrible scoliosis, it twists, the organs, the heart, are displaced, the liver is enlarged. Dima has one lung closed, the other works at 50%. Constant swelling – massages are needed. Seizures occur regularly – such children are twisted, it can last a long time, it can be quick. It is difficult, but we have learned to live with it.” Difficult periods are replaced by remissions. And so – for all 30 years. “We always had everything for treatment. I sincerely believed that I would be able to lift him. We changed the hip joints, trimmed the muscles, opened the legs. They put me on my feet. But the central nervous system is affected very much. – says Antonina. – Then it reached the brain. The doctors said that the chances are 50%: now, they say, he is in contact, he understands me, or maybe he will stop understanding.” She realized a long time ago that she had no right to break down. Even when things are very bad: “We surround him, and on the next day he comes to himself and smiles. How can I give up? And I smile. I thank you for every day that I can live with him!”. Antonina Vakulenko’s pension and her son’s are all of her income. It is about 9 thousand. Of course, the younger son, whom the mother calls a real savior, helps with all her might. At the same time, the costs of medicine and care for Dmytro is colossal: “We drink milk mixtures with vitamins. He does not absorb trace elements from ordinary food. There is special food for such people, but it cost 900 hryvnias even before the war. Not all of us received medicine for free, we had to constantly look for money – 2-3 thousand per month. I got diapers for the first time when he was 28 years old, before that I bought them with diapers on my own.” To live and not give up is her motto. And to be grateful to people. “Now,” she says, “the most difficult thing is to see how healthy children lose their health because of the war . It is not normal! Property, material – it does not matter. Life shows that you can put the most valuable thing in a bag – photos – and run away. Everything is falling apart. Only memories remain. And the children.” They can’t cope on their own. They returned to their village on April 19. They stayed with their relatives, who had left at that time. After all, their house was unfit for living after the bombing. It was also built by Antonina’s parents. The woman says it’s good that they they were not caught – how the “Russian peace” came “to the rescue”. “When we were bombed,” she recalls, “the summer kitchen and shed were on fire. But a neighbor ran into the yard, sobbing and saying: “I’ve been building all my life, I’ve invested every penny in the house, and it’s completely blown up.” And I stopped crying.” One day she put her son in a wheelchair, brought from Volyn, and took her to show what happened to the house. There they accidentally met Alina Shaternikova, the ex-world boxing champion. She and the entire boxing family took a kind of patronage over Vakulenkom – and the house was restored. But not everyone found such “guardian angels”. People still need our help. According to official data, excluding the temporarily occupied territories, more than two and a half million Ukrainians have their homes destroyed or damaged. And most of them will not be able to cope with their problems alone. *** On the “Shelter” website, caring Ukrainians can offer housing for displaced persons by posting a relevant ad. So IDPs can find temporary shelter in any region of Ukraine or abroad, for several days or for a longer period. The filter system will help you easily choose the option that meets your criteria and quickly contact the owner. The site works in 40 languages. This is a completely volunteer initiative. It was launched on the first day of the full-scale invasion by People’s Deputy of Ukraine Halyna Yanchenko. Later, the “Shelter” program received state support. Homeowners who sheltered displaced persons receive compensation from the state for the payment of communal services. Roksana Kasumova, specially for “UP. Life”

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