Why is it better to play with children in boarding schools with ordinary paper than to give toys and sweets for St. Nicholas

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He was sitting on a pillow with his legs spread out on the bed and swaying his whole body like a big living metronome. One – head up, two or three – touch their feet with their head. One, two-three, one, two-three, one, two-three.

I watched a handsome, almost teenage boy with blue eyes and a Roman nose, who was bored. He felt emotional and sensory overload and soothed himself, amused himself with such rhythmic swaying. The boy was tied to the bed with a red rope so that he would not go anywhere while the nurse was busy.

In the next room, which should have served as a sensory room, I found two bags of toys that had been packed and never been used. A bunch of soft bunnies, bears and plush hearts grew like weeds under the batteries on the floor. And all educational toys were packed in boxes or sealed in cellophane covers.

She found among them the famous Pop-it (a sensory rubber toy very popular among children) and took it to the boy. It was obvious that the bodily pendulum was forced entertainment. He was not given any toys or books when he was tied up for hours of waiting. I put a pop-it in his hands, he froze in surprise, looked at it and … threw it on the floor.

He did not know how to play with toys

A child who has never been played with does not know how to play. This understanding immediately scalded me. I picked up the Pop-it, put it in my visage’s hand. Then she took his other hand and showed it in practice – here you press your finger and a bump jumps out from the other side. We pressed together and after a few minutes my new friend deftly bent the rubber bumps with both hands without shaking at all.

This little story, just 15 minutes from my life and the life of this boy, tied to a bed in one of the Ukrainian boarding schools. But she eloquently explains why you don’t need to bring gifts, toys and sweets to institutional care facilities for the holidays.

Children do not need toys, they most likely do not know how to play with them. Children are not played with in boarding schools, and probably the toys you gave as a gift will lie packed in the warehouse. Or sorted into staff families. Donated or even personally handed toys can become an endorphin cocktail of good conscience and charitable conscience for the givers. But by no means children.

You can even play with a piece of paper

British Dave rustled the crumpled up shiny paper. He handed one end to the boy in the wheelchair, and pulled the other end, pretending to use superhuman strength to tear the paper from the boy’s hands. The paper rustled and reflected on the ceiling like sun bunnies. And the boy burst into laughter, like everyone around him.

Dave’s artistry and playing along with the kid in this mock fight for a piece of paper really looked funny. We were all happy at that moment. The children had the much-needed attention, their eyes shone and it seemed that the boarding school and its system of cold indifference had dissolved.

A lot of attention, a thirst for communication and just a crumpled piece of paper did more than all the toys gathered together in a closed room.

The whole tragedy of boarding schools is not the lack of modern renovations, good clothes or a set of toys. The biggest disadvantage of boarding schools is the lack of respect and attention to the personality of each child.

Indifference and neglect are what children in institutions are used to and what really needs to be changed. Not toys, not sweets, but the attention and dedicated time of adults. This is what will never happen to caregivers who are busy caring for many children at the same time.

Children who live in families are usually developed and happy in modest homes, without new clothes or expensive toys. They have the most important thing – attachment, an important adult, attention, social interaction.

What should those who want to support children do?

Donate your time – set aside two or three hours at least once a month and spend them with a child or several children. Make these meetings periodic, not just for the holidays.

In general, any adult can become an official mentor for a child from a boarding school. This is volunteer work for which you need to prepare, although the procedure is quite long, but it is definitely worth it. Moreover, there are already initiatives that help mentor candidates to go through this path. And, of course, it is much more difficult than just buying toys, but this approach will be a real and very important help.

By the way, a few hours later that day at the boarding school, I looked into the room of my friend, with blue eyes and a Roman nose. He no longer rocked and beat his head against his legs.

Anastasia Stepula, Advocacy Adviser “Ukrainian Network for Children’s Rights”, specially for UP. Life

Publications in the “View” section are not editorial articles and reflect exclusively the author’s point of view.

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