8 myths about sex that prevent people from enjoying themselves
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There are many myths about sex, the emergence of which is related to insufficient sex education and the fact that sometimes it is difficult for people to talk “about it” even with their permanent partner.
The most common myths about sexual intimacy are refuted by sex therapists and researchers in the material The New York Times.
“Whatever the cause of misinformation about sexuality and desire, it does a lot of harm.” says Laurie Mintz, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Florida.
Myth 1: Others have more sex than you do
Many people think that absolutely everyone has sex often. This myth can lead teenagers to start sex early, and older people who are in long-term relationships and do not feel attracted to each other, to feel inferior.
In fact, according to several representative national surveys in the United States, about one in three people have not had sex in a year.
Studies show that sexual activity has decreased in recent years for unknown reasons. This is likely due to the rise in popularity of online porn, as well as a decrease in alcohol consumption among young people.
However, for those seeking longevity in their partner’s sex life, it is important to take care of their physical and mental health and talk about their feelings with their partner to maintain a sense of intimacy.
| Photo: foremniakowski/Depositphotos |
Myth 2: Sex is just penetration
Sex therapists often complain that people believe in certain “sex scripts” or that sex should follow a certain procedure: foreplay followed by intercourse.
However, the study found that 75% of men and only 33% of women experienced an orgasm every time they had sex. Another survey found that 18% of women achieved orgasm from penetration alone, while 37% said they also needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm during intercourse.
“If you look at most popular movies, you’ll see women experience rapid and incredible orgasms from penetration, and the foreplay is just the beginning of that main event. In fact, from a scientific point of view, it’s really harmful and not true.” says Dr. Mintz.
In surveying thousands of women for her book, the scientist found that the percentage of women who said they had orgasmed from penetration alone was 4% or less.
Equating sex with penetration also excludes people who have sex in other ways.
Lexx Brown-James, a sex therapist, said that generalization doesn’t include people with certain disabilities or those who simply don’t engage in penetrative sex.
According to her, many people get more sexual pleasure from things like oral sex or even just physical contact.
Myth 3: you don’t need to use lubricants
Postmenopausal women sometimes describe the pain they experience during penetrative sex as feeling like “sandpaper” or “knife.”
Although vaginal dryness is more common in older women, it can happen at any time in life.
About 17% of women between the ages of 18 and 50 report vaginal dryness during sex, while more than 50% experience it after menopause.
Also, this problem is more common during breastfeeding or during perimenopause (intermediate stage before menopause), and some medications, including birth control pills, can reduce lubrication.
Read also: 10 myths about sex that you still believe
“As I often tell my students, vaginas are not rainforests. A woman may feel aroused or in love, but an unnatural putty may not be enough.” says Debbie Gerbenik, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University.
Myth 4: It’s okay for sex to hurt
Although lubricants can help some women experience more pleasure during sex, it’s important to remember that sex shouldn’t be painful.
It is estimated that 75% of women have experienced discomfort during sex at some point in their lives. The reasons can be gynecological problems, hormonal changes, cancer treatment, injuries, etc.
Shemeka Thorpe, a sexuality researcher and educator, says many women believe that pain during or after intercourse is a sign of good sex.
Men may also experience pain during intercourse.
Experts emphasize that anyone who experiences pain during sex should consult a doctor.
Myth 5: Men always want sex more than women
Because of this myth, men often feel shame about their lack of desire and pressure.
Because of the similar myth that women don’t masturbate, women are embarrassed to do so, preventing them from fully exploring their sexuality.
“Although there is evidence that men masturbate more than women, it is not true that women do not want sex or that men always want sex.” – says Brown-James.
For example, one recent study found that women’s desires tend to fluctuate more over the course of a lifetime, but men and women experience very similar fluctuations in desire over the course of a week.
Myth 6: Desire must be instantaneous
Sex therapists and researchers generally believe that there are two types of desire: spontaneous (feeling a desire for sex suddenly) and responsive (occurs in response to stimuli such as touch).
People tend to think that spontaneous desire—something many lovers experience in the early stages of a relationship—is better.
However, Lori Brotto, a psychologist and author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness, says that the main focus of her work is to normalize sensitive desire, especially among women and those in long-term relationships.
She helps them understand that it is possible to have sex not spontaneously, but if there is a desire and consent.
Brotto compares it to going to the gym when you don’t feel like it.
“Your endorphins start flowing, you feel really good, and you’re thankful you left afterwards.” she says.
Myth 7: Planned sex is boring
Brotto also disagrees with the idea that “planned sex is bad sex” because it makes it “clinical, dry and boring.”
This view leads many people to treat regular marital sex as routine, only engaging in it late at night when they are exhausted or distracted, if at all.
Brotto says that planned sex can also promote responsive desire by giving “the arousal time to heat up.”
Myth 8: My penis is not like that
Men feel a certain amount of pressure when it comes to how their penises look or function.
Young guys believe that they should not have erectile dysfunction, and older men believe that premature ejaculation can only be experienced by the inexperienced and young.
However, while erectile dysfunction tends to get worse with age, it can also occur in about 8% of men in their 20s and 11% of men in their 30s.
20% of men aged 18-59 report premature ejaculation.
Read also: Without pain and blood: what you need to know about the first sex?
Similarly, research shows that many men worry that they are not satisfied with the size of their penises, even though their partners say they do not prefer a particularly large penis.
Pleasure from sex is influenced by touch, setting, connection and communication.
Read also: “I can’t get an orgasm”: why do women have anorgasm and how to overcome it?
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