Death does not respond with pain, and stories do not evoke empathy? Why compassion is becoming less and less

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More than a year of full-scale invasion affected the emotional state of Ukrainians. For some, sympathy for the dead in Mariupol, Izyum, Kramatorsk, Vinnytsia and other cities has become less acute. If you’re concerned that you no longer feel compassion or empathy for stories, news, obituaries, you’re not alone. Over time, it happens that the psyche exhausts the resource of empathy and “closes”. Only the loss of loved ones can bring back the wild pain that was there before. Psychologist Yevgenia Voytenko and psychotherapist Iryna Yuskova told “Ukrainian Pravda. Life” why compassion disappears, death does not respond to pain, and how to restore the resource of empathy. Emotions, resources and fatigue People interact with each other not only on a verbal level, but also on an emotional level. The ability to share the emotions of another person is called empathy, because empathy helps maintain relationships with each other. “The ability to feel sensory experience (that is, to experience emotions) is our uniqueness, a feature of emotional intelligence. If a person passes through a lot of tragic feelings, he expands his threshold of sensitivity. Each time it becomes more and more difficult to feel, for example, sympathy, pity, emotional pain” , – explains psychotherapist Iryna Yuskova. She notes that this mechanism can be compared to the threshold of physical pain. The human psyche “closes” from the stimulus and ceases to feel. Photo: focuspocusltd/Depositphotos Psychologist Yevgenia Voytovych says that because of the war, people are already under chronic stress, which leads to emotional burnout. In this state, a person spends most of his resources on survival, and not on building social contacts. “Let me explain with an example: there is a volunteer who has to solve many different tasks. Physically, he is constantly in good shape. But if you try to include him in some emotional experiences or stories, his resources are unlikely to be enough. He will try to block this information with aggression, indifference, detachment, etc. This is a mechanism for protecting our psyche,” she says. Psychologists call this state compassion fatigue, when a person loses the ability to respond to the suffering or pain of others. Iryna emphasizes that this state is preceded by the accumulation of emotions that should be released. “Holding on doesn’t mean ‘suppressing emotions’. It means being together, but allowing yourself to cry, be sad, feel pity, hate, etc.,” she notes. Read also: Resilience has a “recipe”. A conversation with psychotherapist Oleg Romanchuk about how not to break down during the war Pain points and experiencing other people’s emotions Human stories are able to “pierce” this defense at the “pain point”. “A strong emotional reaction will occur in those people for whom this story is relevant, similar to his personal experience. For example, mothers of soldiers or prisoners will read everything related to this topic. I, as a mother, will react strongly to stories about children,” Yevgenia explains. . Photo: Jaykayl/Depositphotos Iryna adds that people sometimes confuse compassion and experiencing other people’s stories in their imagination. For example, after the events in Irpen and Buch, many people imagined themselves in the place of those Ukrainians who died from the weapons of the occupiers. “Yes, I am Ukrainian, and I could be in the place of the victims in the Kyiv region. And this fact terrifies me. But the fact that I do not let this story pass me by does not make me or anyone else a monster. Compassion is about support, and it’s not about feeling someone else’s grief on your own skin,” says Yuskova. At the same time, psychologists note that compassion fatigue has a certain distance over which it acts. People are more often “touched alive” by stories that take place as close as possible to from their home. This is the syndrome of mortal kilometers, the reason why cataclysms, plane crashes and other emergency situations in the world do not cause a wave of large-scale sympathy among Ukrainians. “In addition, Ukrainians have a sense of injustice and powerlessness, because we did nothing, but we were attacked Undoubtedly, cataclysms and disasters bring a lot of grief. It is part of human life to face pain. But no one attacked Turkey or the Philippines, so even sympathy for these people is different,” explains Iryna Yuskova. Read also: Life with hands down. What is learned helplessness and how to overcome it? The death of a familiar person. Psychologists said that death familiar people at the front usually have several contexts. The first is transference, when we imagine ourselves in the place of the deceased. The second is classic grief, when a person mourns the loss of another person and his unfulfilled needs. Iryna explained about classic grief using the example of her client. The girl a close friend died at the front. She was sorry that he gave his life, and that many of his brothers also paid a high price for Ukraine’s independence. “But globally, she mourned the most that she no longer had a friend and could no longer to share something with him. That is, her need for closeness will not be closed for a certain time, and she will have to look for another person and build a new friendship. It’s selfish, but usually behind every death there is mourning for one’s unfulfilled needs,” says the psychotherapist. Photo: Sasha2109/Depositphotos Yevgenia Voytovych adds that death and destruction, which cause us to feel grief, signal an emotional attachment. “Even to we have warm feelings for people we hardly know, so when we see a familiar name among many obituaries, we feel loss and grieve. This applies not only to people, but also to places. That is, if a person was in cities or villages that have been destroyed today – passed through, visited or lived, these regions will also cause strong emotions in him,” says the psychologist. Restoring the resource of compassion Experts note that the resource of compassion and empathy can be restored. But for this, it is necessary to perform a few simple actions to give the psyche a break from news, stories, etc. Arrange an information detox. At the very least – turn off notifications, eat well and observe sleep hygiene. Introduce moderate physical activities. Psychologists explain that during physical exertion, the body removes cortisol in the blood is a stress hormone. Therefore, the moral and emotional state improves after physical exertion. It can be cardio exercise – running, swimming, tennis, etc. If it is not possible, then at least – long walks. Allow yourself to show emotions. Evgenia reminds that you must allow yourself to be human: alive, with emotions, with experiences, do not deny your nature. Remember that everyone has a both on one’s empathy and indifference. Not everything that happens in the world can pass through us. “We have to introduce a new culture of communication, talk about how to support us. That is, when it’s better not to touch, and when to hug. It’s individual, and it’s our responsibility to tell our loved ones how to support us,” Iryna adds. Photo: AntonioGuillemF/Depositphotos Recognize and accept your helplessness. People have a limited resource of strength. Therefore, they often try to do more than they are capable of and burn out faster. Someone, on the contrary, does nothing. Psychologists remind that everyone should help and work to the extent of their own strength and capabilities. Do not compare yourself with others. We must accept that everyone can experience events in their own strength and intensity. Monitor own resource. Observe whether there is enough strength during the day. For example, for everyday tasks or work. If fatigue, tension, and increased sensitivity are indicated, this means that the resource is insufficient and must be renewed. Read also: Many need to be taught to live first: a psychotherapist about how the war changed Ukrainians If necessary, consult a psychologist. Iryna said that Ukraine became the second country after Israel to start therapy during the war. These are usually methods of crisis assistance, because despite the active phase of the war, life goes on. During the sessions, specialists must take into account the degree of trauma in order not to worsen the condition. For example, an alarm or the distant sound of an explosion can be a trigger. Live life and allow pleasure. “No matter how strange it may sound, even in the conditions of war one can allow oneself pleasure. We have the example of the First and Second World Wars, when people both sang and danced. They fell in love, got married, gave birth to children even in such terrible conditions. This fatigue, which we can feel grief now, it’s not about cruelty or indifference. It’s about getting our life back to ourselves. And then again being able to empathize, help and bring victory closer on our own front,” says Yevgenia Voytovych. Victoria Andreeva, UP. Life

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