How to respond to children’s evaluations and teach them to value their achievements: advice for parents

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While all parents want their children to get good grades, they must first ask themselves: What exactly do the grades in the diary mean? Do they reflect the effort the child has put into the work? Not everyone gets excellent grades. Even those who receive do not necessarily succeed in life. Assessments are often subjective and can be misleading. We tell how parents can respond to their children’s assessments and help them determine personal achievements, using the following sources: APA PsycNet, Pew Research Center, Psychology Today, Parents, Springer Link, Sage Journals, The New York Times, The Michigan Daily. What a student gets grades for in school Education is important and crucial for cognitive and social development. This cannot be denied. However, education can become toxic when the process shifts from an emphasis on learning to a hyper-fixation on numbers, grades and performance statistics. This leads to perfectionism and unattainable performance expectations that can destroy the mind. An excessively demanding attitude of parents to children can be a prerequisite for the development of the exceptionalist syndrome, which often has negative consequences in adulthood, such as a tendency to: emotional burnout, anxiety disorders, depression. A student who studies easy subjects may have better results than a student who attends advanced classes. Some teachers are extremely strict. In different schools, there can be significant differences in the standards and methods of evaluating students. If your child is getting excellent grades without any effort, it may be a sign that learning is coming too easy for him and the material is not new to him. This is not to say that grades are unimportant, but they should reflect not only knowledge but also effort and hard work. Otherwise, the child will not be able to achieve the success in life that the parents expected from those excellent grades. Academic assessments rarely assess qualities such as creativity, leadership and teamwork skills. It happens that excellent students know how to memorize information and pass exams perfectly. But career success is rarely about finding the right solution to a problem, but rather about finding the right problem to solve. Grades should reflect not only knowledge but also effort and hard work. Photo: ArturVerkhovetskiy/Depositphotos Read also: 52 tips from a psychologist, how parents of schoolchildren can cope with stress We share tips for parents to respond to various grades of their children: Listen to your child School and grades are often not the first priority for a large part of teenagers. Your child may be dealing with stress at school or even at home that you are not aware of and that may be affecting their ability to learn. Talk to your child about his grades. Ask why she is having trouble without making assumptions or judgments. It is very important to really listen to the child. Learn to accept your children’s failures Children, especially teenagers, have many expectations for their success in all aspects of life, and sometimes the bar is set at an unreasonably high level. Like all other people, they will make mistakes. Often these are painful failures. However, failures are a part of life and a brick on the way to future success. It is important that parents put up with failures and be able to forgive their children’s mistakes. Try to treat a bad grade as a temporary setback with potential causes, rather than a flaw in the child’s character or intelligence. Cheer for your child Children learn to treat themselves the way their parents treat them. Knowing that the parents will support them at any moment calms the child and helps to improve academic achievement and life in general. “From a psychological point of view, the most important thing is a sudden deterioration in a teenager’s performance – this can be a red flag for other problems, such as depression. I encourage parents to take an interest in what is happening with their child to explain the emergence of a low grade. Open dialogue without judgment or punishment promotes joint problem solving, helping the child feel understood, supported and inspired,” says clinical psychologist Emily Edlinn. Children learn to treat themselves the way their parents treat them. Photo: PeopleImages.com/Depositphotos Read also: How to develop your child and make him happy: tips for parents Correlation between school grades and life success Perfection in anything is not a reasonable goal, it is important to be able to balance work and life. It is possible to achieve high academic results by challenging yourself, enjoying yourself and developing yourself socially. And it is also possible not to have a diploma with honors and develop your own business, have a happy life and achieve success in your goals. According to research, employers and academics have different views on the value of evaluations in predicting job performance. Employers often find grades to be useful predictors and make hiring decisions based on them. Many academics believe that the scores have low predictive validity. The study found that the observed correlation between grades and job performance was 0.16. Despite their high importance, academic indicators (such as grades and test scores) account for only 2.4% of the occupational performance criteria: salary, job satisfaction, and performance rating, on average. According to these studies, the relationship between academic ability, grades, and high achievement has been studied by analyzing a wide range of people: scientists and technicians, doctors, managers, artists, as well as high school students and college students. The results showed a low positive relationship between academic ability, grades and achievement. However, the closer the academic ability is to the requirements of the industry, the stronger the connection. Research results have shown a low positive relationship between academic ability, grades, and achievement. Photo: Jcomp/Depositphotos Read also: Stress in schoolchildren and what to do about it: tips for parents and teachers Here are some tips on how parents can help children balance and determine personal achievements: Pay attention to the child’s interests. One way to teach our children empathy is to nurture them as they are. It is necessary to understand that not every child is capable of being an all-round student or a gymnastics star. Each person is unique – not like their older brothers and sisters, not who you were as a child or who you wish you were. Find the perfect way to motivate your child. Especially when it comes to kids who don’t put much effort into schoolwork, you can find a connection with what interests them the most. Explain to the child that even those school subjects that he does not like are necessary to achieve goals in his favorite subject. For example, a child who wants to become a chef or just likes to cook needs to understand math and science to acquire other more specific kitchen skills. Explain to your child that sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do in order to achieve our higher goals. Of course, most children don’t yet know what they want to be when they grow up. It is worth asking the child about what subjects excite him. Don’t strive for perfection. Parents always tell their children: “Do your best!”. But children often hear: “Do the best that you can imagine.” Later, children develop perfectionism, which is associated with anxiety, depression and eating disorders. A better approach is to encourage the child to make a reasonable effort depending on the importance of the task, his or her health, and other matters. It is also worth encouraging the child to improve and achieve personal achievements. Appreciate the effort and struggle for success. The more you challenge yourself, the more your brain adapts. This is helpful to explain to our children, especially as we encourage them to continue to overcome difficulties in school and elsewhere. Reassure your child that most skills take time to learn and that struggles are a sign that their brain is developing. You can also pay attention to how far they have progressed in completing a certain task. And also share your own stories and difficulties you have faced. Appreciate your child’s talents. What is your child good at or interested in? What character traits are noticeable in her? Bravery, humor, gratitude, curiosity, perseverance, kindness? Maybe she’s a great volunteer, a member of the music group at school, or a fantastic conversationalist. A child should know his strengths and rely on them. Value relationships. An important responsibility of parents is to teach children to communicate with other people and get along with them. Help the child learn fundamental social and emotional skills: how to respect other people, how to argue and reconcile, how to enjoy the company of loved ones. One way to teach our children empathy is to nurture them as they are. Photo: deagreez1/Depositphotos Read also: Toxic parents: who they are, how they behave and what to do about it. Psychologists’ advice Every pupil and student is special, one’s future success will lie in good grades today, the other in other life priorities. We must fundamentally rethink assessment in the school system so that “doing well” equates to more holistic success factors that truly prepare students to thrive today and thrive tomorrow. The mistake of excellent students is not striving for success. It is the inability to cope with failure. The real test of a student’s character is the ability to cope with the fact that he did not achieve his goal. The test is whether a person, striving for an excellent grade, can get a low or average grade and continue to move toward a challenging goal. Read also: Is it necessary to learn dates, titles, names, spelling and other rules at school? Opinions of 5 experts

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