All children are ours. The story of how we adopted children from the Kherson region

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To say that fate did not prepare me for this would be an understatement. 2 years ago, I became the coordinator of the social project “Occupation through the eyes of teenagers”. The goal of the project is to collect testimonies of teenagers from the east and south of Ukraine (that is, Donbas and Crimea), how they perceived the occupation of their hometowns by the Russian Federation in 2014. As a result, I, together with the project team, managed to show society how serious the occupation was for children. That even after 8 years, the consequences of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine are causing global social problems and increasing repression against Ukrainian citizens in the occupied territories. And so in 2022, after the start of the great offensive of Russia and the seizure of new territories of Ukraine, I had to rescue two teenage boys from the occupation. So I became a guardian for 15-year-old Ilya and 11-year-old Mykola from the Kherson region. They lived with their mother and grandfather in one of the villages on the Left Bank of the Kherson region, which is famous as a powerful agricultural region. The boys’ mother is a distant relative of mine, so we knew each other and from time to time Ilya corresponded with me on the Internet. From him, I learned about how the Russian military invaded their village, began to take away grain in large trucks, taking it from farmers. The boy told how the Russians destroyed a large pig breeding plant, where instead of more than 1,000 animals, only 15 remained. The military forced the villagers to dig trenches for them, intimidated them, and forbade the farmers to plant crops in the spring. Gradually, 2-3 months after the invasion, it became difficult for people to survive in the village. The money was running out, the mother lost her job, one day Ilya told me that he and his brother were forced to go from house to house and beg for food because they were starving, and for a week they had been eating only leftover potatoes from winter stocks. In the middle of the summer, it became clear that the situation for the children was getting worse every day. Problems with money, lack of food, danger from the Russian military, who constantly drank alcohol and walked the streets with weapons, and there were more and more frequent conversations about the possibility of children being forcibly taken to Russia. Some had already been taken to the Caucasian republics of the Russian Federation with the consent of their parents, and the boys were very frightened by such a prospect. The school was being prepared for opening according to the Russian program, teachers were brought from Russia. Then Ilya asked him and his brother to evacuate. Their mother did not want to leave, but immediately agreed that the children needed to be saved. A separate story about how two minor children accompanied by a stranger left for Kyiv. It was a long and difficult journey from the Kherson region through the occupied Crimea, the territory of Russia (Voronezh, Moscow), Latvia, Lithuania, and Poland. Someday after our Victory, it will be possible to talk about the heroism that Ukrainians resorted to in order to leave the occupation. Transporters played a big role here, they helped us take the boys out and deliver them safely to Kyiv. 15-year-old Ilya and 11-year-old Mykola from the Kherson region. The children are not my close relatives, there is no confirmation of a family connection, so I had to go through the entire bureaucratic process of acquiring a new status – a guardian. The easiest thing was, surprisingly, to check with the local children’s services and collect the documents. I learned from them that in connection with the martial law, there was an innovation in the legislation specifically for such children. They acquire the status of children deprived of parental care, according to a simplified procedure, if their parents remained in the occupied territory or in the war zone. This greatly facilitates the procedure of accepting such children into the family, avoiding the need to place them in residential institutions. I also learned that, unfortunately, there are a lot of such children in Ukraine today. So, in order to adopt a child (children) who left the occupied territory and were left without parental care, you will have to go through the following process. Apply to the local children’s service with a statement of intention to apply for guardianship (for children under 14) or guardianship (for children from 14 to 18). This point is for people like me who already know specific children whom they are ready to adopt into the family. You can arrange for a child to temporarily live with you immediately by submitting a corresponding application to the children’s affairs service. In this case, the representatives of the Service go to the place, check the compliance of your living conditions and help to obtain permission for temporary accommodation, and the status of a child deprived of parental care is established for the children. As a result, the child immediately finds himself in the family, and not in a special state institution, which greatly facilitates his physical and psychological adaptation to new conditions. In the meantime, you are going through the next stages of the guardianship process. If you have a desire to become a guardian, but have not yet found a child who will join your family, then simply skip this point. Next, you need to collect a package of documents: 📌 get a referral from a family doctor, go through specialists and get certificates from a psychiatrist, narcologist, dermatovenerologist, phthisiologist, a therapist’s report on health. It took me 2 days, one to do tests and fluorography, the second to undergo examinations. 📌 issue a certificate of no criminal record. Thanks to the “ACTION” application, I had it on the third day. 📌 prepare a certificate of income or reports of the entrepreneur for the last six months. 📌 to obtain consent statements from adult family members that adopted children will live in the family. 📌 get the written consent of the child himself, if he has already turned 14 years old. The hardest part was waiting for me to be invited to the special courses for future guardians/guardians/adopters. Due to the large number of appeals, this stage is very time-consuming. I was still very lucky and I waited only 2 months for my turn after submitting the documents, while my other fellow candidates had to wait an average of 5-6 months. As it turned out, there is a huge demand for adoption of children in Ukraine, especially after February 24. People admit that they wanted to adopt a child in the family for a long time, but did not dare, during the covid epidemic they found excuses, but with the beginning of the Great War, everyone seemed to thaw out: “how much can you be afraid? If not now, then never again…so many children without parental care…..what else can be a motivator to save a child from an orphanage if not war?….” . I heard such confessions at courses from my fellow candidates for parenthood. The need for future candidates to attend courses and receive recommendations is stipulated in the legislation. I admit, I was skeptical about it. Well, why can I, the mother of three children, still be taught? I’m just wasting my time. And how wrong I was! 60 hours of intensive classes in an interactive form, extremely useful, interesting and difficult. Nuances of legislation, psychological aspects of interaction with children who have experienced trauma, all not in the form of lectures, but with minute-by-minute involvement of each co-searcher. I do not regret a single minute spent there, and I am pleasantly surprised that this training is organized by a state body. At the end of the training, there is still a month of waiting for the preparation of the relevant documents, and here it is, finally the long-awaited decision. Children are under our protection, no one will harm them, all contacts with schools, hospitals and other institutions are now on legal grounds. This formality will not change anything in our relationship, we love children unconditionally. But it will help protect their rights at all levels as a legal representative. During the time that I was waiting for the official approval of the status, we enrolled the children in school, passed medical examinations, discovered serious vision problems in the youngest (had to wear glasses) and some other medical problems in both children, which have already been almost dealt with. The boys adapted, found friends, joined the educational process and changed a lot psychologically. From tired, frightened, excited sparrows, they have already become calm, self-confident young men with their own dreams and plans for the future. But our story is the most simple, albeit revealing. For those adults who want to become a guardian or adopter, after collecting a package of documents and receiving recommendations, the most responsible and very difficult path begins – finding their child. In the current conditions, it is not so easy, because you will have to face the following challenges: since the beginning of martial law, most of the children with the status of a child deprived of parental care were taken abroad for temporary placement in the children’s institutions where they were. Adoption and guardianship of children who are abroad is prohibited during this time. you cannot apply for guardianship or adoption if you are not in Ukraine. And this is a very controversial point. I am contacted by Ukrainians who live in other countries for security reasons and want to adopt/take custody. But for this they need to come and live on the territory of Ukraine, which currently remains a dangerous zone. Moreover, even if such parents come, complete all the documents, settle the child, after that, they can go abroad with the child only for a short time and only with the approval of the children’s service. after February 24, 2022, part of the children’s rehabilitation facilities were moved to the western regions of Ukraine. In fact, this smaller portion is the only possible option for finding children for foster care or adoption. In order to find your child, there are also several sites that provide information about such children. The children’s service of the relevant region where you live can also help you with the search for a child. In view of the above, it becomes clear that the rights of orphans and children deprived of parental care, after the full-scale invasion of the Russian army, are significantly violated, and they are also limited in their right to be placed in a family. The worst situation is in the occupied territories, from where the Russians forcefully deport Ukrainian children to the territory of the Russian Federation, with subsequent loss of information about their whereabouts. According to various data, from 260 to 700 thousand children were deported to the territory of Russia, in particular from the category of those deprived of parental care. On the other hand, the fate of the children, whose fate remained under the control of the Ukrainian authorities, remains uncertain due to the impossibility of placement in the family of those children who were taken to safe places abroad. And it is not known when this restriction will be lifted for Ukrainian adoptive parents/guardians. In my opinion, it would be worthwhile to improve this procedure and make it relevant to the challenges of time, for the sake of preserving the interests of children and their right to find their family. I decided to share my story because I understood: even when it is very scary to do something responsible, it is still worth trying. Most likely, you will achieve the result. And if someone wants to follow our path, but for some reason does not dare, contact me, I will be happy to share my experience and advice. Nataliya Lyutikova, specially for UP. Life Publications in the “View” section are not editorial articles and reflect exclusively the author’s point of view.

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