How to resolve conflicts in a couple during the holidays: 5 tips from a psychotherapist
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The holiday season is often called the happiest time of the year, but many couples say it’s the most stressful time for their relationship.
During the holiday season, couples may experience various negative emotions, such as frustration or feelings of loneliness.
Conflicts can arise over, for example, expenses from the family budget, vacation or who to spend the holidays with.
Psychotherapist and author of the book “13 Things That Don’t Make Mentally Strong Couples” Amy Morin gave advice to lovers on how to maintain a relationship during such a period, writes Psychology Today.
In advance share your expectations
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First of all, on the eve of the holidays, the doctor advises to share your expectations with your partner.
Talk about how much you’d like to spend on decorations and gifts, how much time you plan to spend with your family, and what holiday traditions you have.
Listen to your loved one to understand what is important to them during this time, says Maureen.
Define each other’s boundaries for the time being
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During the holidays, for example, relatives or friends may stay overnight at your house, so you or your partner may not like it.
The psychotherapist advises to exchange thoughts about:
- who will be able to stay overnight at your home;
- is it worth borrowing money during this period;
- whether you will decline invitations to family events.
“Make sure to set boundaries that will protect your relationship from the outside world. You probably won’t agree on everything, and that’s okay. But by discussing your boundaries, you’ll develop a plan together that ensures your needs are met.”says Amy Morin.
Look at the problem more globally
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During the holidays, it’s easy to get stressed over little things, so the doctor advises finding time to take a “broader” look at the problem.
When you argue with your partner, ask yourself:In five years, what will be most important for us?“
If the question is not so important, you can change your focus to something that is more in line with your values, says the psychotherapist.
Focus on yourself
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According to the doctor, when a person is under stress, he may have a desire to try to change his partner’s behavior.
“First, it’s very important to talk about what you don’t like and what you like, because your partner is unlikely to be able to read your mind. Second, teaching, teasing or cursing will not help to resolve the situation.”says Amy.
She advises to concentrate on yourself and your emotions.
Work on meeting some of your own needs
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Depression sometimes comes from frustration that your partner hasn’t met all of your needs, says the doctor.
Therefore, you may be angry that he or she did not attend important events for you or did not spend enough time with relatives as you wanted.
In such a situation, it is important to take responsibility for one’s own needs, the expert advises.
After all, if your partner doesn’t want to go to a certain event, then find a friend who is willing to join you.
Previously, we talked about how to save long-distance relationships.
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